Archive for August, 2012

Music, Mallets & My Thumb

Aug 28 2012
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Had some really fun shows this past weekend. Saturday’s Sand Crab Tavern gig added a whole new depth to audience participation. Buckets of seafood, corn on the cob, potatoes and such, were dumped onto tables covered in butcher paper as customers used little wooden mallets to crack open crustaceans while keeping time to my set list. It’s not often that the entertainer is entertained during his show, much less by tables full of Judge Judys laying down the law of “survival of the fittest”. And the huge platters of oysters had me asking, “Why the shuck haven’t I heard of this place sooner? They’ve only been in biz for 24 years!”

Sunday’s Garden Party at Chicweed had me surrounded by succulents and planted in front of a very attentive crowd. An absolutely beautiful setting to sow my musical seeds. My thumb isn’t green, but I still managed to pick some ripe and juicy tunes that would’ve made even the Florida Citrus Growers Assoc. ask me what kind of fertilizer I use.

Hole-eeeee Cow

Aug 21 2012
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I recently been noticing little holes in many of my favorite t-shirts. I’m thinking, man I hate the smell of moth balls and prying apart their tiny little legs isn’t as easy as it sounds. Or, maybe there’s some kind of sharp little pointy object hiding in my washer or dryer? After a thorough search, all I came up with was a penny and some lint. Bummer, ’cause I thought I gave up lint years ago and I also had to grab a penny out of the “extra penny dish” at the 99 Cent Store the other day. Then I realized that the holes were only along the bottom of each shirt. So maybe the mystery moth, was in all actuality, my own fly? Then it dawned on me. I exclusively wear one type of belt, in both black and brown, and each has two raised prongs. Apparently, since I’m standing when I play shows, the back of my guitar rubs my shirt up against the prongs on my belt and that’s what is making those pesky holes. Elementary my dear Watson! So, since I intend to continue to perform with my shirt on, I now HAVE TO remember to move the buckle over to the side, before belting out anymore tunes.
Or, take up piano.


Aug 14 2012
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I’ve always considered myself a faithful and trustworthy gentleman, so I feel the need to get this off my chest. The cold showers just weren’t cutting it anymore, so I brokedown and started sleeping with a fan. I couldn’t help myself. She’s white but was born in China and is about 5 feet tall. When I turn her on, she knows exactly what to do! I love the way she moves from side to side. If you find yourself getting hot and bothered, like me, I recommend hitting up Wal-Mart, like I did. They have so many fans to choose from, they’ll blow…….your mind.

I’ll Always Remember You Ramona!

Aug 7 2012
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You’ve given me so much pleasure, though not without pain, and I can’t wait to do it again. I honestly did not expect to see so many familiar faces, from all corners of the county, at Cheers for my mid-afternoon matinee show last Sat. You ate and drank well with the locals AND you helped set an All Time Record for “Most Tips At A Solo Performance”! “Yeah Baby!” Unfortunately, I’m reluctant to reveal the exact amount that was stuffed into Bill The Bear, since I’m 102.1fm percent sure that the IRS is monitoring my every move since KPRI started playing my cover of Crazy Train on their “Sunday Morning Unplugged” show.

I want everyone who was in attendance to know that your presence and kindness has provided me with the strength to carry on and overcome a haunting memory of yesterday past. I can now pass Ramona High School without feeling the sickening sting of defeat that my Clairemont High soccer teammates and I had been carrying around since our “triple overtime sudden death penalty kicks” loss that knocked us out of the playoffs and ended our championship run and quest for eternal sports glory. Ramona, it means a lot to know that you have forgiven me for turning to the stands and grabbing my crotch, after you called me a, “Long-haired (starts with an “F” and ends with a “T” and suggests that I like show tunes)”. I have forgiven you for calling me names and skipping rocks (pebbles are little rocks, right?) at me, throughout the rest of the 1st half. I am proud to take your hand and show the world that with music, beer and a damn good burger, we can forget the past, overcome our differences and embrace the future. And the next time I’m up on stage at Cheers I know I don’t need to ask you Ramona, “I KNOW you’re ready to ROCK!”