Summer Is Here

Jun 12 2012

In conjunction with my first Pool Party of the season this Wed. and my traditional fully clothed cannonball finale, I’m providing an updated version of:

5 Things You Should Always Do Before Executing A Cannonball – With Your Clothes On:

1) At the end of your Pool Party show, play “I Wanna Be Sedated” by The Ramones on ukulele but be sure ALL swimmers have surfaced, before you announce, “This is a crowd participation song”.

2) Remove loose change, keys, cell phone, wallet and anything else from your pockets that could act as an anchor and cause you to drown.

3) Finish your beer and allow yourself at least 10 seconds to digest, before performing a dangerous stunt like a cannonball with your clothes on.

4) Make sure you unzip your fly so your pants don’t retain any water. This will help eliminate any chance of you looking bloated when you climb out of the pool.

5) As you jump, yell “CANNONBALL” in mid-air, so that anyone who hadn’t been paying attention will turn around just in time to see you underwater.

After the cannonball, change into your dry swim trunks because ALL your clothes will be wet and you don’t want to ruin the rich, corinthian leather upholstery in your Chrysler Cordoba.

PS – I would have added stuff like bring you knees into your chest and make sure you jump into the deep end, but you already know that, right?