Archive for June, 2012

Handshakes

Jun 18 2012
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Had a discussion with some friends yesterday about some of the more memorable handshakes we’ve each had the pleasure of experiencing over the years. When I say memorable, I’m talking about the crappiest and most awkward ones! Supposedly you can tell a bit about a person by the way they grasp your hand.

We started out with “The Dead/Limp Fish”. That’s when someone just lays their hand in yours, with no pressure or emotion whatsoever. If this happens to you, I recommend you immediately check this person for a pulse. Then there’s the “Over The Top” or “Superior”. They come at you with their palm down as if to say, “Who’s your Daddy! That’s right! I am!” If someone tries this one on you, immediately pull in your middle finger and tickle their palm! That’ll show’em who’s boss! The “Kiss My Ring” handshake can make for an uncomfortable experience. This is the chivalrous one where only the fingers of a woman meet the palm of a man’s hand. Then the male is supposed to raise it up and kiss the top of her hand. Unfortunately, if the person just using their fingers isn’t a female or better yet, female royalty, you just might be shaking hands with another kind of queen. There’s also the “Misfire”, the “Never-Gonna-Let-You-Go!”, the “Bone Crusher” and the “Pull You In”. That’s when they shake your hand, pull you closer and place their other arm around you, ’cause they really wanted a hug!

Summer Is Here

Jun 12 2012
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In conjunction with my first Pool Party of the season this Wed. and my traditional fully clothed cannonball finale, I’m providing an updated version of:

5 Things You Should Always Do Before Executing A Cannonball – With Your Clothes On:

1) At the end of your Pool Party show, play “I Wanna Be Sedated” by The Ramones on ukulele but be sure ALL swimmers have surfaced, before you announce, “This is a crowd participation song”.

2) Remove loose change, keys, cell phone, wallet and anything else from your pockets that could act as an anchor and cause you to drown.

3) Finish your beer and allow yourself at least 10 seconds to digest, before performing a dangerous stunt like a cannonball with your clothes on.

4) Make sure you unzip your fly so your pants don’t retain any water. This will help eliminate any chance of you looking bloated when you climb out of the pool.

5) As you jump, yell “CANNONBALL” in mid-air, so that anyone who hadn’t been paying attention will turn around just in time to see you underwater.

After the cannonball, change into your dry swim trunks because ALL your clothes will be wet and you don’t want to ruin the rich, corinthian leather upholstery in your Chrysler Cordoba.

PS – I would have added stuff like bring you knees into your chest and make sure you jump into the deep end, but you already know that, right?

Behind The Scenes

Jun 5 2012
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You may have noticed I haven’t been promoting as many shows lately. The thing is though, I am actually busier than ever! Private events, school performances, bar mitzvahs, bris, interventions, cattle drives and a few projects I intend to share with you soon. I’m halfway through writing the next CD release. That has kept the creative juices flowing, as well as all the frustrations the creative process has to offer. What the “F” rhymes with “orange”?! The public performances will be fewer but the end result will be greater for all! Plus, if you feel you long to be closer to me, like I do to you, we can always discuss the possibility of you hosting one of those house concerts everyone is raving about. These are those unique and memorable type of events your friends can’t stop thanking you for inviting them to and you can plan however you want, and at a time that fits YOUR schedule!
House of Blues ain’t got nothing on YOU!

At this time, in honor of your super coolness, I’d like to present you with this link to a recent school performance, that truly encompasses some of the most rewarding performances of my career. Thanks to the Kirsch Family for filming, editing and sending me this video, so I could share it with you. How lucky I am!
[Watch The Poetry of Christopher Dale from Warren-Walker School’s 2012 Poetry Slam]