Archive for May, 2012

Car Wash

May 29 2012
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With no clouds in sight, I finally did it! I got my car washed! You know it’s time when you can barely see out ANY of the windows! I’ve made all the excuses from, “It looks like rain” and “The wind keeps stirring up the dust so it will be dirty again by tomorrow anyway” to “I’m doing my part to conserve water and help make this world a better place”. I can’t even tell you how many months I’ve been cruisin’ down the road looking like Pig Pen from the Charlie Brown series. It’s nice to have the inside vacuumed as well. It’s always fun to see what they find underneath the seats. Ah…that’s where the Chapstick went, Leather Lips! Right next to that now petrified chicken nugget that slipped off my lap and down between the seats when I had to make that sharp left last February. Good thing I always double up on the pine tree air fresheners. They really help you get through those long months ahead! Glad my local car wash isn’t depending on me to stay in biz. “Car wash. Talkin’ ’bout the car wash. Come on ya’ll and sing it with me. Car wash. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…..”

People Watching

May 22 2012
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After my latest trip to AZ I’ve come to this conclusion, “What better place to observe humanity than at the airport.” Where else, in a public building, are we asked to remove clothing, stand with our feet apart and our hands over our heads, while a crowd of onlookers anxiously await their turn? Now that’s “crowd participation”! I’m also pretty sure you don’t get that big of audience checking in at Folsom Co. Prison. I can now also mark “Witness the pat down of a 65 year old grandma of 5” off my bucket list. So, next time you visit the airport remember the Southwest Airline slogan, “You’re flying the friendly skies.” Take it away Johnny………”I hear the train a coming, it’s rolling ’round the bend……”

Beat The Heat

May 17 2012
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Heading over to Phoenix, AZ today for a couple shows. Just been informed by my desert dwelling friend that I’ll be stepping off the plane into 104 degrees of pure hotness. Unfortunately, I’m not talking about the physical beauty of the opposite gender here. Now, Mr. Pale Face has to figure out how he is going to combat such extreme natural forces with only the resources he currently possesses. Sunscreen SPF 1,000….check. Speedos and flip flops…check…check. Dressing lightly will also make it easier to get through the security check point at the airport. Hey, maybe if I sing a few lines from Donna Summer’s “Hot Stuff”, along with a few dance moves, the fight attendant might give me eztra peanuts and a full can of soda. RIP Donna Summer. Thanks for making us all dance!

Ok….what was it I was doing again?

May 8 2012
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On many an occasion, I’m in between moments and suddenly a thought creeps into in my head. It could be as routine as checking my bank account, emailing someone or researching an idea. To the computer! The screen awakes from its screen saving slumber, I bring up my internet browser and up pops my home page. Staring me right in the face is an interesting looking headline that reads, Zombie Survival Course. Gotta click on that!

After a few minutes I finish the article and now know more about combating the post-apocalyptic walking dead than ever before, but alas, I can’t remember why the heck I got on the computer in the first place. After a subsequent visit to my doctor, I have now been diagnosed with I.D.D…..Internet Distraction Disorder. I’ve been given a prescription for something called Distractagone to help keep me more focused. Side-effects include pale grey skin, unhealed wounds, lack of communication skills, shuffling when trying to walk, a one track mind and an appetite for brains.

WARNING: If you’re planning on coming to a show anytime soon, I’d recommend Googling “Zombie Survival Course” first!